I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
