There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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