Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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