does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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