i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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