all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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