I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
