i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
