guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
