Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
