dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
