just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
