you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
