I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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