dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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