Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
