I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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