smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
