the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
