You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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