i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
