and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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