Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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