He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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