I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize