woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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