oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We had to coat check the pizza.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
