I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
