i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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