u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
