It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
