Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
