help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
