when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
