Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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