Apparently you make a good broom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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