Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
