i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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