If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize