Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
