Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
