toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
