someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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