fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
