I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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