i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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