haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize