I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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