dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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