Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You made out with two different species that night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
