I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
