Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
