i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize