I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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