If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
