the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
