I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
