K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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