I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
