i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
