Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize