i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
