hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
