you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
