I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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