bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
