This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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