chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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