Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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