Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I did not marry a roomba.
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