Just mADE A PArabola og urine
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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