my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize