I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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