well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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