accomplished twins. life is a go
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
