hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i think my cat just said my name.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
