Duck Duck Cougar?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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