oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
