This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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