Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
