It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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