I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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