Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
