You're my little dorito
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
