Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
