Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
