did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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