1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
