Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize